Debates over issues like marriage, family and homosexuality have many dimensions. These include the morality of homosexual behaviour, questions about law and morality, and the role of religion in politics. As a result, we often find some Christians who try to find some kind of compromise or take a safe "middle ground" so as to avoid controversy.
One example of this is a recent Supper Club interview with Anita Fam, long-time member of Families for Life – formerly the National Family Council, who is also a Methodist:
Q: The Health Promotion Board advisory sparked quarrels about the notion of family. Given this context, how should we define family?
I don’t think we should draw a box and say families are defined as X,Y,Z. You can’t pigeonhole family, because if you did, then you’re sure to leave someone out.
There is a conventional idea of father, mother, brother, sister, grandfather, grandmother, but if you think about it, who is family?
Family comprises the people around you, the people you were raised with, the people who brought you up, who are there for you. They are your loved ones. You don’t define them by sexual orientation, race or religion.
Q: There is one camp that says you cannot be LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender)-friendly and still be pro-family.
I recognise that everyone has different views. Both camps are very passionate in how they feel and the views expressed at the moment are extreme views. You will probably never get these two groups of people to reach middle ground.
But I don’t think that is any reflection of what the majority of Singaporeans think. Some voices are more strident than others, and these are the voices that we hear.
Q: So does this affect the family as a building block of society?
That’s thinking too much into what family is. To me, simplistically, family are the people who surround you and, in most cases, love you.
So, not at all. Everyone is born into a family, no matter what. Whether or not there are differences in views, it doesn’t affect what the core of family is. You will always have a mother and father.
Q: As a parent (with publisher husband Goh Eck Kheng, 58) of two teenagers, how have you approached this issue with them?
We teach them that mutual respect is important. To remember that: I may not agree with them but that does not mean I condemn their views. They are fully entitled to their own views.
We’ve raised our kids to be colour-blind and sexual-orientation-blind. I don’t think they’ve ever thought of themselves as being Chinese, or seen their friends as being Malay, Indian, English or Chinese, and they’ve never seen someone as being straight or gay.
But the thing that we’ve always taught them – and this is within the confines of our personal faith (as Methodists) – is that marriage is between a man and a woman.
What is God's definition of marriage and family?
God's definition of marriage and the family is found in Genesis 1:27-28a, where it is written:
So God created man in His own image,
in the image of God He created him;
male and female He created them.
God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number..."
Genesis 2 details the account of how God created Eve from Adam's rib and brought her to him, and they were united to become one flesh:
The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman', for she was taken out of man." For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. (Genesis 2:23-24)
In the New Testament, Jesus reiterated the "one flesh" union between a man and a woman:
"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh' ? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." (Matthew 19:4-6)
The National Council of Churches of Singapore (NCCS) has affirmed this in its 2003 statement on Homosexuality:
Recognizing the Bible as the authoritative standard for its faith and practice the Church has historically and consistently held the view that the practice of homosexuality is clearly incompatible with the teachings of the Christian faith. The only sexual relationship, sanctioned by God and given as a gift from God, is between a male and a female within the bounds of a monogamous marriage.
Marriage, as defined by Scripture, is an exclusive "one flesh" union between a man and a woman, and "what God has joined together, let man not separate". It is the foundation of a family, as seen from God's blessing, "be fruitful and increase in number".
For all humanity or for Christians only?
But are marriage and the family merely "within the
confines of our personal faith" as Christians?
The answer is no.
The passages in Genesis and the Gospels cited above show that this is not merely some Christian idiosyncrasy, but God's foundation for all humanity. As the apostle Paul said, "[from] one man [God] made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth" (Acts 17:26).
The application of God's laws to all humanity, whether or not they are believers, is made manifestly clear from passages in Scripture such as the flood in the time of Noah (Genesis 6-9), God's punishment of Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis 19), or God's injunctions against the sexual practices of the Canaanites and Egyptians (Leviticus 18, 20). Paul in Romans 1 and 2 also wrote about the application of God's standards to non-believers and believers alike. The Bible speaks of a universal natural law which applies to everyone, not just Christians.
This is also seen from the NCCS statement,
which takes a public stand on the issue of homosexuality and reiterates its commitment "to serving our nation by helping to
preserve and promote wholesome values and lifestyles that will
contribute to the well-being of our society".
Indeed, as insightfully pointed out by the writer of I on Singapore, Anita Fam herself recognises this, when she contradicted what she said earlier in the following terms:
Everyone is born into a family, no matter what. Whether or not there are differences in views, it doesn’t affect what the core of family is. You will always have a mother and father.
Faith is personal, but it is not "confined" that way
When questioned about whether to pay taxes to Caesar, Jesus replied with one of the most profound statements in the Bible:
Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's;
and unto God the things that are God's.
(Matthew 22:21, KJV)
This is not a call to compromise to Caesar. Instead, as bearers of God's image, we are called to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength (Mark 12:30). It is a call to whole-hearted dedication to God, in every aspect of our lives. This is a path which Jesus Himself and the early church have trod, and we are called to do the same.
Faith is personal, but it is not "confined" that way. We are not to lead a life of compromise in a desperate search for a "middle ground", but to "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5).
Marriage and family, as defined by God, is a standard not confined to Christians only, but applies to all humanity.
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