Sex is a gift, but no substitute for the Giver

At the 2014 Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission (ERLC) National Conference on "The Gospel, Homosexuality, and the Future of Marriage", Sam Allberry spoke on the topic "Is God Anti-Gay? Answering Tough Questions About Same-Sex Marriage".

In his message, he addressed four "biggest ground-level questions" that are commonly raised:

1. Did Jesus even mention homosexuality?
2. Can't we just agree to differ over this issue as Evangelicals?
3. Isn't a same-sex partnership okay if it's faithful?
4. Isn't the kind of traditional Christian position on sex and marriage deeply harmful to people?

The responses given by Allberry on these questions are deeply insightful. Given that he is himself same-sex attracted and has been for "pretty much [his] entire adult life", his sharing is not purely theoretical, but practical as well, sharing his personal experiences in the issues and questions.

The final question that Sam Allberry addressed was: "Isn't the traditional Christian position on sex and marriage harmful?" This is the objection that says that the traditional Christian position is the cause of acute mental health problems even suicide among gay people.

As part of his response to this objection, Allberry hit the nail in the head on the allegation that the Christian position was driving same-sex attracted people to commit suicide:

Next thing to say on this issue; on my understanding and in my experience, we Evangelicals are not the ones who say sex is everything. We are not the ones who say that a life without sex is no life at all.  

And the idea that, the assumption behind that, the kind of challenge that celibacy is in itself harmful means that sex has become an idol. If life without sex is not conceivable for you, it is very clear what is really 'god' in your life.

A friend of mine Andrew Wilson back in the UK once a recently spoke on the issue of "Why does God care who I sleep with?" And a part of his answer was to turn the question around and say, "Why do you care so much who you sleep with? Why is that where you draw the line and object to following God? Why is that your one non-negotiable?"

It strikes me that it is our culture that is making sex into an idol, and therefore is saying to people when your sex life doesn't work out your life hasn't worked out. It is not the Evangelical Church but our society around us that is putting the stakes up that high.

And my question is, which perspective is most likely to make someone feel that their life is not worth living: the perspective that says sex is everything and if it's not fulfilling then there's no point - life without sex is no life at all? Or the Christian perspective that should be saying sex is a wonderful gift from God, but it is but a gift and is no substitute for the Giver?

We are not the ones who say that a lack of sexual fulfilment is a lack of human fulfilment. So friends, I don't deny that the church has been the cause of ungodly and unwarranted pain and abuse for people over the years and we should not be slow to confess that and to repent of it. But I want to challenge the culture around us to say, I think it has blood on its hands as well, in making sex the centre.

This is certainly the unfortunate result of the Sexual Revolution and the culture wars of our modern times. It is not exclusively limited to homosexuality, but certainly does include it.

 

With the message on the one hand from the sex-driven culture that sexual relations are a core part of one's identity or an integral part of human fulfilment, and the Christian message that the only acceptable form of sexual expression is in the context of marriage between a man and a woman on the other, it is no stretch of imagination how this may lead those struggling with their sexual desires (same-sex or otherwise) to feel sandwiched between two impossible alternatives, thus leading to despair.

Taken together, these two messages present a same-sex attracted person with the (false) dilemma of either embracing one's "identity" and being "true to oneself" by giving in to one's sexual desires or of following God's commands and therefore denying one's "identity" and thereby giving up perceived human fulfilment in this lifetime.

How should the Church respond then?

Despite how political or theological debates are often about whether homosexuality is right or wrong, acceptable or otherwise, the real issue at its core is a concept of identity.

Modern culture attempts to define human identity based on one's sexuality, thereby defining people as either "gay" or "straight", "homosexual" or "heterosexual", or some other form of "gender identity" or "sexual orientation". Perhaps even some Christians may be tempted to adopt these definitions and labels.

However, this is not how God defines or sees us as human beings. The Bible teaches us that our identity comes from being made in the image of God, male and female (Genesis 1:27). If one is a Christian, one's identity comes from being a child of God and, through the Spirit, we are able to call out as children to God, "Abba Father" (Galatians 4:6).

As Sam Allberry said earlier in the same message, "my same-sex attraction is not who I am. It's part of what I feel, but it's not who I am."

Indeed, in Christ, our identity comes from being the children of God. Like Jesus at His baptism, God looks down upon all who are in Christ, and what He said to Jesus He says also to us, "You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased." (Luke 3:22)

And as children, we are able to look to God for every good gift that the Father intends to give us, be it the gift of marriage or singleness, just like any other good gift that the Father deems fit to give His children.

At all times, it is worth remembering that sex remains a gift, but is no substitute for the Giver, from whom all good things come.